2009 Scottish Tour

[NorryC]

If you fancied a run up north next year touring for a week where would you go to.............i would head to the black isle 1st and then ..........

[jamiew]

For oor english neeburs touring Scotland next year.........................

So yer gan up North furra Holidays, twae weeks in summertime,
Cos yer vaguely scottish..............on yer mothers side.
You've heard o ancient glorys, in songs an books and stories,
Kilts and Haggis,
Andy Stewart,
An ra Clyde.

You gan up ti Crianlarich, its the gateway to the North,
An the scenery, will please the eye I'm sure,
Ye tak oot yer picnic basket,
cos yiv blown an oil seal gasket,
In the middle o a place called, Ranoch Moor.

So ye telephone a garage, thats in yer tourist book,
As furnished to you by the RAC,
But by design or by intention, or they jist forgot to mention,
That the garage closes doon by half past three.

So yer towed behind a tractor, to a coragated shed,
Thats surrounded by farm implements and carts,
An ye scratch yer heid an wonder, why ye bought a lammy insteed o a Honda,
Cause they have ti send ti Italy furra parts.

So ye get the train ti Oban, and the ferry across ti Mull
Feelin like yiv hud a nicht oot oan the tiles,
You pey twae pound ten for coffee, with a tang o diesel oil,
Yer experiencing the swindle o the isles.

Then yer standing knee deep in Rasps,
bein stung ti death bi waasps,
The midges and the clegs eat hauf yer knee.
And the bairns have ate the berries,
and contracted disintery,
And yer meant ti be back at the garage furr hauf past three.

So yer headin back ti Birmingham, more waterlogged than tanned.
but no signs of Habitation can ye see.
When ye thought you were in Berwick,
yer actually in Lerwick.
Cos some barsteward chinged the signposts in Dundee.

Cheers,
J.